I am bruised but not broken

I’m not running from you.
Look at these eyes, all that I’ve wanted was you.
Now, the question is..
Do you want me?

***

Ah! Being so busy never felt so damn good. I think I’ve been quite bored lately. No, I know I’ve been quite bored.
I was thinking right, to a certain extent.. I’m one of those people who work well with stress. I’ve been handling it pretty well lately.

Somehow when I inhale that smoke, or drink ..
I am weirdly reminded of every break up that came hand-in-hand with ciggies and alcohol.
I am reminded of how much it hurt.
Ah.. I have matured perhaps?
I don’t need em anymore.
I’ve come to that “point in life” perhaps? The point of realisation that I am stronger than I thought I was.
I’ve come to that point…
Sober-ness.
I know exactly where I’m going and what I’m doing.
It feels…
Good.

I’ve been far to confused for far too long.
I love me.
I owe this to myself.

***

Besides all the soul-searching I’ve been doing, I have decided to work at it.
I haven’t been trying…
Well, not hard as I would have before.
Maybe that bitter Beth didn’t allow me to give it a proper shot.
I’ve done this a million times.
I’ve walked in and out with my dignity intact.
I can do this.

There is this part of me..
This part of me that I owe this to.
The part that picked me up over and over and over again every time I got myself hurt.
This is the part that allows me to fall in love over and over again.
This is the part of me that is anything but bitter.
This is the part of me that everyone loves.

***

I found peace when I was confused.
I found hope when I was let down.
Not in me, but in you.

Maybe tomorrow I will drink to confessions that beg no forgiveness…

I'm fine for now.